It’s been 25 years since Jeff Douglas appeared on television as “Joe Canadian” for an awesome Molson Canadian beer commercial. Jeff thought he could help raise our spirits with his own reproduction focused on current events. Thanks, Jeff! I hope your video will help others understand some of the esoterica regarding our culture. Marvelous production!
America, we are still your loyal friend and peaceful neighbour. We understand your country is in crisis. We will work hard to maintain peace, but we will not back down from a fight.
MAGA is the world’s largest fascist movement in history and has gripped your country and is ripping it to pieces. Your grandfathers fought this evil alongside us almost a century ago, and until January 20, 2025, it was widely celebrated as a victory. Now your history is being rewritten, and many of your heroes are being erased. Your allies are now classified as adversaries and your enemies as friends. Responsible government has been replaced by sinister mobsters and thugs.
Everything is backward and upside down. Safety and security are elusive. The weight of the authoritarian heel bears down on you more each day, day after day. Every one of you has a hero inside waiting to get out. Who will pave the road back to freedom? Who is ready to be as proud to be American as we are all proud to be Canadian?
North of our shared border we are obviously concerned about Donald Trump’s abhorrent behaviour, and especially in regards to his fixation on his fantasy that borders are an “artificial line of separation”, when in fact they represent eternal agreements regarding each others’ sovereignty and are precisely what has maintained an astonishing peace around the globe for nearly a century. Putin said the same thing about Ukraine’s borders before invading Ukraine. As with Russia, Trump wants the US military to ignore international law and command their troops to use any and all means to instill maximum terror to coerce the defending nation to give up. That’s terrifying as hell, and of course against international law. That is the threat that Donald Trump speaks to us daily. We are sickened. We are scared. We are mad as hell. Russia also uses a scorched earth tactic, meaning they target civilian buildings, infrastructure, everything. Is this what’s about to happen to us?
Could you imagine Donald Trump’s response if someone tried to build one inch inside his Mar-a-Lago property? Suddenly, the “imaginary line” that defines his property becomes real and he would viciously attack the usurper and rightfully claim that his land has been invaded. Could you imagine his response if Canada said it intended to take Maine and Alaska so that Canada appeared more uniformly on a map? Canada has every right to protect its borders. Canada has every right to protect its sovereignty. Canada has every right to protect its people. Canada has every right to protect its property. Canada has every right to exist and to be treated with respect.
Suppose a Russian or Chinese president stated (repeatedly), that he intends to “break” the USA economy, that he does not recognize its borders, and wants to annex the USA. It would immediately be taken by the USA -rightly so- as a declaration of war.
This is exactly what has happened, as the US president Trump has said:
“The US president on Tuesday reiterated his claims on Canada’s territory as he increased tariffs, threatening to bring the country’s economy to its knees…. Mr. Trump has made repeated comments about Canada becoming America’s 51st state since winning the election in November, and last month specifically told the country’s departing prime minister, Justin Trudeau, that he did not believe that the border treaty between the two nations was valid.” (“Trump Intensifies Statehood Threats in Attack on Canada”, Matina Stevis-Gridneff, 11 March 2025, New York Times)
Not surprisingly, many Canadians consider that they are now in a de facto state of war with the United States. Our new, uncomfortable, deep-seated hatred is really just directed at Donald Trump and those who support, aid and abed his criminality. We very much enjoy and want to maintain our friendship with our American neighbours. Somehow, we will get this together. It’s hard to imagine the historically benevolent America could succumb so quickly and easily to fascist authoritarianism and launch savage attacks at its longtime friends and allies. We expect the People will eventually have had enough of Donald. It is an American problem and it is Americans that will have to clean up their own mess. We would prefer to be kept out of the crossfire.
We are a practical people and see the value of land based trade. As the world closes itself off from the US we have the power to help them to continue as a nation. We could diversify our partners to protect ourselves against their unreliability while still ensuring a stable supply for them. That requires a peace. Donald Trump’s threats and extortion schemes must stop.
Finally, no, the USA has never paid a 250% tariff on dairy. The tariff exists to equalize prices, and the tariff is quota controlled. Only excessively exceeding one’s negotiated quota would invoke the tariff on the excess goods. The USA has never lived up to its quota. They consistently fail to deliver, thus they have never incurred a tariff on dairy. Donald Trump lies about everything. If I am not subsidizing my suppliers when I purchase products for resale then the USA is not subsidizing Canada when it purchases source materials for its manufacturing. The USA actually has a trade surplus with Canada when excess oil and gas purchases are excluded – oil and gas that we sell at a discount that the USA sells for profit. It was most recently a $60B trade deficit, not $200B. Again, that $60B represents gas and oil that the USA profited from.
Per capita, Canadians spend US$8000 annually more on American goods and services than Americans spend on Canadian goods and services. We’re obviously subsidizing the USA. Donald Trump always lies. He just keeps repeating stuff until people start believing it. It’s Marketing 101 and first used widely by none other than Adolph Hitler.
We provide a source of the USA’s wealth, just as we provided for the Trump family fortune in a small town in British Columbia where Donald’s grandfather ran a “restaurant” that sold roadkill and offered gambling and whores. He was forced to leave when gambling and alcohol were outlawed. He returned to Germany before marrying then emigrating to the USA. We didn’t just help build America and continued to keep her growing, we seeded the Trump family fortune (sorry about that!).
To my Canadian readers who represent less than 1 in 10 that would entertain a discussion about the annexation of Canada I would like to burst your little bubble and offer you some discomforting truths. Your delusional attempts to create a new definition of annexation might make your tummy hurt less and allow you to sleep at night but you have to understand that your delusion, as much as it might provide you some psychological protection is actually very dangerous for you since it leaves you vulnerable and prone to make incorrect decisions regarding your security.
There has been no talk of “unification”, which is a years long process of negotiations and new legislation and many other things that finally end up at the stage where Canada would hold a referendum to seek support for a unification with the USA. The talk has been of “annexation”, which is not the peaceful marriage you pretend it to be. It is not marriage. It is violent rape. Annexation is conducted by military force. You think you’re fashionable being in the less than 1% who want to be the “51st state” but the terror of it all would not be apparent to you until your windows are shaking from the explosions as foreign troops draw near. Your delusion puts us all at risk. All mention of Canada’s annexation should be met with fierce opposition. Wake up. Stock up. Elbows up! Be prepared at all times. You might be fighting for your life tomorrow.